As a writer, I tend to ask a lot of questions. I constantly study the behavior of others to really “Understand” what makes people the way they are.
A few nights ago, I went out with some of my girlfriends. We laughed, drank and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It wasn’t until the men showed up that the dynamics changed. The tension between some couples was blatantly apparent, whereas others seemed at ease and were thrilled to have their significant others join the festivities.
During bathroom breaks, private side conversations and other distractions that presented themselves, my over stimulated curiosity began running wild. I had to know why some couples looked happy… while others appeared as if they were sitting in a dental chair awaiting a root canal.
More drinks, more laughter―and as the night progressed, I found small opportunities to engage the men in brief conversations.
Out of the eight couples, I had direct access to five of them.
What I found out that night was well worth the effort to snoop. Some of the men were quite willing to spill their guts about everything they loved and hated about their woman. That evening, three things stood out clearly.
Here’s what I learned….
What are the three things that drive men crazy?
1. Nagging men to open up and talk about what is on their minds before they are ready. (“I know something’s wrong. Why won’t you talk to me? You’re always so shut down? I need you to confide in me.” ) Yikes!
Why? How come? I know? I need? NAGGING… No one likes a nag . . . am I right?
Just the straight-up truth… they hate that. And as mothers, daughters, sisters, and wives, we want to fix it, smooth out the rough edges, although there are times when there isn’t a quick fix. This is where you need to have confidence in yourself and your relationship. Men are attracted to a self-confident woman. When we become needy it puts more stress on others to entertain us, fill in our low self-esteem blanks. Ladies… we are tough. We don’t need others to entertain us or fill in our blanks.
All of our men have “The Look,” the look that tells us that something is bothering them, we all need to read those signs and act accordingly. If we ask them what’s wrong and they stiffen up, it’s time to back off and play the game. If you want him to open up, then ask the question differently. “Hey, I know something’s bothering you, when you feel like talking about it, I’m here?” Nine times out of ten . . . they’ll wait a while, then open up.
2. Unloading your day’s problems, before you know how his day went. If he’s quiet, there could be a perfect reason, and the last thing he wants to hear is your problems when he’s still trying to sort out his own stuff quietly. Like… “You won’t believe it, but SO AND SO came up to me at the grocery store and told me I take too long when I pick up the kids in the car line, or I was overcharged on our cell phone bill and spend half the day having to fix it with tech support.” If your man has had a bad day, don’t pile on more. Wait until the timing is right. He’ll want to know sooner or later on how your day went, but timing is everything.
Lesson to learn . . . BE PATIENT!
Now we’re down to the most offensive thing women do that men hate.
3. When women talk about other people and their problems, particularly when it’s on FACEBOOK. No man wants to see what Sally fixed her kids for breakfast. All five men had told me their wives talk about SO AND SO… and whose uncle just had back surgery and was now forced to walk with a cane to get around, or David is now dating Rhonda―can you believe that?―She’s only been single for three weeks and now she’s on the market. Did you see the new car Fred posted?―that’s the third one this year―I think that’s ridiculous… what do you think?
Seriously? BFD, they DO NOT want to hear that. Men focus on what immediately affects them, not the neighbors or others who get nothing more than a small wave as you drive to work in the morning―and most importantly PEOPLE THEY HAVE NEVER MET…
Thanks for the time you spent reading about my experience, I hope this information will be helpful.